A male’s guide on how to buy a diamond ring

When I decided to end my life and propose to When I decided to make the best decision of my life and propose to my girlfriend I was thankful for one thing – she wanted to choose her own ring. Im so glad that was the case because if buying a ring was anything like how I dress myself, then the ring would be wearing a small grey Dickies hoodie and a comic shirt 24/7. It’s alot of money to spend and after a month of ring shopping I’ve realised a diamond ring is very unique to each girl and so unless you can do some mad Inception shit and plant $50 rings in her head, its best to let her choose. However if you look like Shrek, dont have any creative way to propose and she’s only with you for your dollar bills and you wanna impress her with a ring, then here’s my top 5 tips on how to buy a diamond ring. This is from my perspective and experiences cos Im sure theres some casual Goldmark workers out there that are experts who can/will correct me.

I know I know Im awesome

1. Stick to your budget

Generally the rule of thumb is the ring should be approximately 3mths of your pay which is about right. Just dont try to do what I do and be unemployed 3 mths before you propose cos it doesnt work. They take last year’s tax returns, factor in your DJ pay and the money you steal every week from the tip plate at Bamboo and they work it out from there. Just make sure you have a budget in mind and stick to it because you can easily get carried away. Im the type that hates shopping and so the first day of ring shopping we saw a ring we liked that was $5k over the budget and I was like yeah just throw it in the bag and lets go Superbowl. Luckily my fiance had more sense than my dollars and said it was a waste of money and we should look around. It was only after I left the store did I realise that $5k is alot of strippers for the bucks. Remember the ring is only the first step and you still have the wedding to pay for so unless its a Green Lantern ring, make sure you stick to budget!

2. Buying retail isnt always the best

And most times it isnt. You can buy a diamond from a wholesaler and get it set for almost half the price. And also the good thing is you have more of a range of diamonds to choose from where as the retailers only have a small amount. Its good to go to retail stores to get an idea of what you want and then getting it custom made. By custom making your ring not only are you saving, but its unique to you. Also the diamond selecting process becomes very personal and you do kind of grow an attachment to it because its like customizing your avatar in a RPG. There’s different attributes that you can ask for depending on your budget. These attributes are discussed in the next tip.

3. KNOW your 4 C’s

Try to forget about the 5 D’s of dodgeball for a moment and try to focus here on the 4 C’s of diamonds cos this is important especially to you guys. Before I went diamond shopping the only things I knew about diamonds was from a Kanye West song, so obviously shit all. Fortunately for me and my partner we were given a crash course in diamonds which gave us a better understanding of what to look out for. To all those who dont know, the 4 C’s are – Cut, Colour, Clarity and Carat. Obviously different people place different emphasis on what’s important to them but I believe that the order should be what I listed. Ill give a quick run down on what each category is and why I believe its important.

Cut – You want a diamond that sparkles and the cut is what makes it sparkle. The more cuts it has and the more sharper the cuts, the more light that gets in and reflects around. You want a diamond that people can be like “Did a speed camera just flash me or was that your ring. Goddamn homie.” The way it was explained to us was you can pay more for chicken pieces at Rose Bay and pay less down West, they may both weigh the same but the Rose Bay chicken would have less skin and be better quality. Same goes with the cut. The cut is ranked by Excellent, Very Good, Shit, and Ghetto.

Colour – This is how white the diamond is. Obviously the whiter the better. The scale is from D (best) down to N (Im assuming it stands for the derogatory word for African Americans). Anything from H upwards to D is white. The only way you can tell a H from say a G to a  F grade is if you put them next to each other. So H onwards is fine. Anything below H is pretty noticeable. I actually had a look at diamonds which were below H and believe me it looks like someone pissed in it. Its that yellow. They try to jazz it up by calling them “champagne diamonds” but yeah its fully no frills. They occur in nature near the surface and absorb more sun so thats why they’re yellow

Clarity – This is the imperfections and specs in the diamond. It ranges from Flawless to VVS (very very small) to S1 to fucked up. Theres other categories as well like internal flaws, external flaws and other shit but basically what you need to know is that anything from S1 upwards to flawless is not noticeable to the naked eye. And definitely not noticeable if you’re Korean. The international standard of magnification to check out diamonds is 10x and unless you’re carrying one around no one really cares. There’s a feel good factor and a practical factor – like fake tits. You can fork out $15k to make sure its a close to flawless diamond that no one will even notice unless you got the GIA certificate stuck to your forehead or you can be practical and just get a diamond that has no noticeable flaws. Anything below S1 is noticeable.

Carat – Carat is the weight and thats just up to the person. Discussed more in my next tip.

So basically what you want is a sparkling diamond that is as white as you can get it that doesnt have any noticeable flaws and the size depends on you. Its about quality cos you can have a 1 carat ring but it’ll be a piece of shit.

4. Size doesn’t matter

Ironic coming from an asian I know but its true. Some people buy a 1 carat ring just because it sounds ballin’ and it does sound ballin’ but really the difference between a 0.9 carat to a 1 carat is double the price. And the difference in diameter is the size of a pubic hair. Honestly the guy showed us. The difference in diameter that is, not his pubic hair. It also depends on the girl’s hand and what size diamond would look good on it. Sometimes a bigger diamond looks too big on her hand and it just looks too fake.

5. Everything’s negotiable

Walk into every store like its Bing Lee and just haggle the shit out of them. Make them throw in free cleaning, free Ipod charger, their first born anything you can get. Usually you can take off a few hundred off. Remember the goal of all this is to save as much money for your bucks as possible.

And so there it is guys. My guide to buying a diamond ring. Its as practical as I can make it. So be smart about buying a diamond ring so you can count your money at the end so you can count it at your bucks. Till next time – count it!

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7 Responses to A male’s guide on how to buy a diamond ring

  1. Wakim says:

    ha ha ha man. u always manage to crack me up

  2. Edwin says:

    bro.. i would like to concur on point 4.

    A friend of mine says “size matters to a girl! the bigger it is, it shows how important you are to your future husband. And the bigger it is, it shows that you are up there with the rest.”

    I would like to hear your view on this.

    I’d say this is rubbish though, similar with fake boobs. Big is not always better.

  3. Anita-eat says:

    Another educational piece of writing Ace. You’ve finally made me understand the size difference of 0.1 carats

  4. Phili says:

    In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might, beware my power, Green Lantern’s light.

  5. aceability says:

    Thats cos guys in Singapore have small dicks Edwin (apart from you of course Mr King Kong) and so they gotta compensate.

  6. Kimm says:

    Hahahaha u funny man

  7. Fredricka Berube says:

    diamond rings are the best because it is very classy and elegant. everyone wants diamond rings. “`**:

    View the most recently released write-up at our very own web site

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