My (not-so) Amazing Spider-Man review (Part 1)

I havent updated this site for fuck knows how long – actually it was before I was married and just after I got engaged. 2 years ago! It was so long I had to click on “Forgot Password” to retrieve my password. It even took a while to get that cos the answer to the secret question was “asdaldkjlkjqwe.” Like who can be fucked filling those parts in cos you’re always thinking “Ah how hard is it to remember my name with a 1 at the end?”

So anyway what has sparked me to update this neglected site? The Amazing Spider-Man movie. I know theres alot of websites and critics that have been giving it rave reviews but fuck what Richard Wilkins thinks. Before I start Im just gonna say Im gonna (try) and review this movie as objectively as possible – purely from an entertainment stand-point and as a Spider-Man groupie.

First off I had high hopes for this movie. Seeing Andrew Garfield at Comic Con last year and talking about how much Spider-Man meant to him and what he represented, it really touched me. And it made me touch myself. I thought finally – someone who understands what Spider-Man represents. Finally someone who had the same background as me and understands how the character impacted his life. Finally someone who can lead us out of the Tobey Maguire darkness *Cue Enrique Iglesias – “Hero” or Mariah Carey “Hero” both are pretty good. Even Nas – “Hero” isnt too bad but its not as dramatic….anywayyyyy* Everything he spoke about was the same way I felt about Spider-Man. It gave me goosebumps cos I thought if this guy is a genuine fan then he’ll do it justice. He made me believe. It was that good that it inspired alot of the points in my wedding speech a few months later.

Leading up to the movie I was surprised at just how much footage was being released. OK sure I went to the sneak peek session where they showed 9mins of footage but even if I hadnt there was just way too much footage being released. I think some dude on VIMEO actually stitched together all the footage that was released and it totalled 25mins. That was the first indication where I felt like the studios were getting a bit desperate. Yet I still hung in there cos it could just be the marketing department. I understood that alot of fanboys were reluctant to watch the movie because they felt as though it was only 5 years since the last movie and its too soon for a reboot. That could be the reason why they released so much footage and trying to push the fact that it was the “Untold story” of Spider-Man. However that wasnt the selling point for me. The selling point for me was the fact that this time, instead of having Mary Jane they would have Gwen Stacy.

Gwen Stacy for all of you who dont know was Peter Parker’s first love. I have and always will be Team MJ, but I totally understand Gwen Stacy’s place in Peter Parker’s life. Theres always gonna be that girl you’re meant to be with and you end up with – thats MJ. No one else can take that place. Theres also gonna be that first love in high school that first took notice of you and shit didnt work out and you occasionally think what if? For Peter its Gwen Stacy and for him its what if (spoiler) Green Goblin didnt throw her off the Brooklyn Bridge and (spoiler) kill her. I didnt know too much about Emma Stone but after hearing that she was playing the part of Gwen, I watched Easy A and The Help and I immediately knew that she was gonna be perfect for the role. It was the same way when I found out Kirsten Dunst was playing MJ – I watched Bring it on. That was how dedicated I was. Seeing the preview and the scene where Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone were in the hallway flirting with each other and seeing that chemistry between the two got me excited. I mean the chemistry must have been real good if theyre actually fuckin in real life right? Gwen Stacy isnt depicted much in movies and to have her character explored was an exciting prospect.

So weeks leading into the movie I avoided Facebook, reviews, Twitter, anything that would get my hopes up higher than it already was however I did set myself up with what I believe was a realistic expectation – As long as the movie was better than Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man then Id be happy. To me it didnt seem like a hard goal – perfect casting, director of one of my fav romantic movies (500 days of summer) and improved CGI. So I didnt think it was setting the benchmark too high.

Let me first speak about the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man. When I first watched it – I loved it. I reckon Tobey Maguire played Peter Parker perfectly – the awkward, nervous and shy nerd at school getting picked on by everyone and not catching a break at all. The only thing I didnt like about it was when he put the mask on, as Spider-Man, he didnt show enough of the confident and witty persona hes known for. Cos nothing is worse than getting your ass served to you by a guy wearing spandex and having him roast you at the same time. Cos that was Spider-Man to me. The nerdy guy out of costume but in costume he was confident and cracked jokes so he wouldnt shit his pants. He played Peter Parker perfectly but he didnt do Spider-Man justice. Plus hes a shit cryer. Seeing him cry just made me wanna cry at how bad his crying was. Which was a crying shame cos everything else was good. So I enjoyed the movie for what it was at the time, even watching it 3 times in the cinemas which is probably why it did so well at the box office. The movie had enough action, romance and story to please the 4 demographics of movie go-ers – the male/female under 25s and the over 25s male/females. Dont forget though this was before Batman Begins, before Iron Man, before Dark Knight and every other comic book movie thats come out after it. That was when we saw how good comic book movies COULD be and seeing the footage of Andrew Garfield and seeing that they were going back to webshooters, alot of fans including myself started ditching Tobey hoping that this Spider-Man would be everything that the first Spider-Man wasnt. And it was. It was worse.

(To be continued…if I can be fucked…)

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